The One Thing You Can Let Go of Right Now for Happiness
What if I told you there is one thing you can let go of right now for happiness.
What do you think that would be?
- The crib of your child, who is now 22, just graduated from university?
- The wedding photos you meant to put in an album from a marriage which has since dissolved in divorce?
- Your kids’ elementary school papers stuffed in boxes; the authors, off raising families of their own?
{Nope. It’s not material stuff in the way of your happiness.}
The one thing you can let go of right now for happiness is your belief that your self-worth is linked to your achievements and productivity.
Overachievers, Type A’s, and People Pleasers (moi), this concept might cause a minor case of hyperventilation. You’ll be okay. I promise. Breathe.
[Tweet “Happiness = Letting go of linking your self-worth to your achievements + productivity.”]
I get it. I love increased productivity and achieving my goals and dreams too.
Perpetual accumulation of stuff is a mindset issue.Â
When we wrap up our self-worth with how much we get done and outer accomplishment, we often have difficulty letting go of our stuff.
I’ve written about how fear can block us from letting go of stuff in my post, How to Face Fear and Let Go of Clutter.
Perhaps deep down, fear is at the heart of our attaching value to doing, doing, doing and working, working, working…more.
Kylie Patchett, mindset coach for women entrepreneurs and author of Making Friends With Fear, lists three basic fears that weave in and out of our lives:
- Fear we are not good enough
- Fear we are not lovable as we are
- Fear we may not belong
Kylie recommends not only befriending our fear, but naming it. {Mine’s “MacTavish”}. Fear gets to come along for the ride, safely strapped in a carseat – not in the driver seat.
Here’s what I find works for me, and the many women I have worked with. Internalize this belief below to let go of stuff that gets in the way of your happiness:
[Tweet “You are enough exactly as your are. Right here, right now. Your value is that you are.”]
When we disconnect the imagined connection between doing and getting to internal self-worth, we can let go of stuff to create room for what we truly desire in our lives.
Help me start a Lighter Happiness conversation!
As a full out type A workaholic, this makes so much sense. I’ve dumped a lot of material things before and never realized until this moment there is mental mindset stuff that needs to be dumped too. How did you pick the name of your fear?
Indeed, to my mind, Melanie, mind clutter leads to physical clutter, and then it becomes an endless circle, clutter in our space leading to mental overwhelm. MacTavish is a ghost in family lore, and I felt like fear, is a mental ghost, unseen but felt, so I took that name to speak to my fear and soothe the ghost. You can pick any name or gender for your fear.
Jul’s this is so awesome. I live in a tiny, tiny studio apartment, and it’s almost impossible to keep neat because I have too much stuff and not enough space! But I battle to part with things because I have already cut down so much (went from a 2-bedroom house to a tiny apartment). I so often think that “this thing” represents “this part of me” – which all comes to self-worth doesn’t it? Which isn’t in “stuff”…I’m starting to see now…
That’s a big change from a 2-bedroom house to a tiny apartment. How fantastic that you are seeing you have self-worth as a given, and that “stuff” does not link to self-worth, unless we choose to make that limiting connection. I hope you’ll find continued help for letting go of things and making more room in your apartment for you!
You are so right Juls. Fear definately holds me back, I am also a type A and place way to high of expectations on myself. I’ve been working on letting this go for some time.
I love how you named your fear, I’m going to do the same.
Well done you Krystal for working on letting perfectionism go!
What a timely post for me – now that it is “winter” where I live, visitors start to come in to take advantage of the warm weather.. It is great, but there is always a mad dash to declutter my guest room that catches a lot of stuff over the scorching summer.. I love to declutter, and feel light and airy afterwards.. However, I am not a super neat freak of a worker.. I have one of “those” desks.. In the past I have found if I tidy it up too much, then I cannot find anything! Do you have any suggestions as to how to manage that small area of clutter!! … Meanwhile, I start to tackle those big items in my guest room you point out 🙂
Absolutely Pam, and you make me realize I want to write a post about de-cluttering desks, been on my list, but will move it up! I’d love to know what items make your desk one of “those” desks. So since I don’t know, I’ll do my best to give a general answer, and when I write my desk post, I’ll be more specific. One key is how you view your desk. Many of us make the mistake of using our desk as a “catch-all” instead of a “work space.” The trouble is, we want our desk to multi-function as a “To Sort” area for papers, a “Delayed Decision Holding Spot,” and a work area as well. Which works against us as it makes a Clutter Catcher Hot Spot instead and we can’t easily work at our desk. Start small. Are there one or two things you can find a home for instead of on your desk? Think Vertical; how can you store items on your desk in a more vertical way rather than piling them on this horizontal surface–your desk? This can be as simple as a rotating desk accessory organizer so pens/pencils, scissors, paper clips are in one place and stored “vertically” in that they take up less space on the desk surface.
Fortunately, my desk is small, so there is not too much that is not needed.. but it is the various papers sorted for different projects and initiatives that are often an extension of my brain.. or those things I need to remember to deal with – otherwise if filed away, they are out of my mind for longer than necessary.. And the occasional lego piece, Pokemon card or other little thing my son leaves behind.. I do not mind those so much.. they are not many in number, but they also let me reflect on what is important in the midst of a busy schedule.. I do think a little declutter of a work space once a week – even if for 5-10 minutes is helpful!
Aww, Pam, love the little reminder of the Lego or Pokemon card to make you think of your son, family and what matters most. Indeed, I’m not in the least suggesting a sterile desk or environment. It’s the consistent declutter that keeps feeling buried in mess away.
Jul’s this is spot on! I totally agree that we are the ones in our own way. I am also a people pleaser and used to find my self-worth in what others thought of me. I am better at knowing I am good enough, but when I think of myself in a new business some of my old fears rear their ugly heads! This is a great reminder that I am me and despite what happens in my business or life, I am enough!
Thrilled my post resonated with you Beth! Indeed, we entrepreneurs are easy prey to those old stories and fears making us think we are not good enough. You are enough. I am enough. 🙂
Love this post Jul’s! So important for all entrepreneurs to read, especially for women who have started a new business and are comparing their progress with others. Comparisonitis starts to dig into people’s self-worth and it becomes a vicious cycle. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
I am so glad my post resonated with you Angela! Please share my post with fellow female entrepreneurs if it can stem that paralyzing comparisonitis!
Yes! As a stay-at-home mom right now, I find the struggle all too real. So many of my SAHM friends would agree. We have left professional careers with all the busy and important accomplishment and achievement to come home and raise our children. In our heart of hearts, we know it’s what we want and what is best for us right now, but it is so hard to slow down and not accomplish things and feel like we are useless because all we do is hang out at the park or read Dr Seuss or play in the sandbox. It’s a hard place to be, with very little appreciation or feedback. Thank you for your encouraging words and the permission to accept that my value is not hinging on my accomplishments right now, or ever.
Oh Kari do I understand! Being a mother and particularly a stay-at-home mom is possibly the most profound “job” we ever do…and indeed without breaks, raises, accolades or even a wee thank you from the family. I am told that comes later…once our bairns are raising their own mites and losing their minds in the all-bets-are-off land of parenting. {Sigh}. That’s why I believe we must look inward and remember we have value every moment even sans measurement. It’s a given.
This doesn’t apply to crystals or tarot decks, does it? LOL!
I totally understand this, though. I’m a newly converted un-clutterer. When I let it go, I find that the “stuff” starts to weigh me down. My mom was a hoarder, though, so I never learned to let go of things that didn’t matter. Nowadays I am much better able to let go of the stuff that I don’t need!
Awesome post! Thank you!
So glad you found it of value Sue! I have my crystals on my bedside table and Angel cards there too! You get to decide what is clutter and what is to keep, just saying we don’t have to keep it all 😉
Yup
Moved this year – had to let go of a lot of stuff
Still do, as I couldn’t leave EVERYTHING behind
But… my management renovates, so I’ll have to get rid of most stuff that doesn’t belong to my life
Thanks for this 🙂
It’s a lifelong process! Our wants and needs change and our stuff needs to change with us. Nothing like a move to force the issue, right?
Great blog Jul. thank you for this. I’m so type A. I was a New York City Workaholic, For years. And the moment I looked at fear straight in the face and said, come on… Let’s have at it, the fear shrank and died. That’s when I quit my job, sold all of my belongings and moved to Thailand. Only issue is my Tyoe A personality keeps me in the workaholic flow. But I’m still happier now. Teaching yoga teacher training classes and offering reiki healing services sure beats working in an office everyday. Thank you for your insight Jul. peace and blessings.
What an inspiring story Jewels! Plus I love that we both have the same name phonetically 😉 For me yoga helps me come back to Source, Inner Self, True Self and forgive myself for thinking the ‘do more-be more’ mind trap. Peace and blessings to you as well.
So true! Our value is completely intrinsic and we not need to do anything to prove ourselves good enough. But sadly, most of us were taught differently and these beliefs are rooted deep.
It’s always a good thing to get your BFF on the phone to prick you and remind you that you’re awesome exactly the way you are!
Exactly! Believe me, there are times I need to reread my own posts when I slip into…’I’m not good enough’ stinking’ thinking’! It’s a daily practice and some days are skimming along, and others are steps down the rabbit hole until I remind myself…I am good enough exactly where I am, right now. Glad my wee reminder that those past inaccurate teachings and old beliefs are replaceable with the truth.
“When we wrap up our self-worth with how much we get done and outer accomplishment, we often have difficulty letting go of our stuff.” – This is a really, really good point. I’ve held on to a few things because they remind me of accomplishments I’m proud of, and while it’s not to the point of becoming clutter, I can understand how it can become so. Really great insights, and a timely reminder that we’re more than our accomplishments and. Thank you, Jul’s!
My pleasure Pam! Our accomplishments are worthy of celebrating and bringing us joy and pride…just they are icing on the cake!
“When we wrap up our self-worth with how much we get done and outer accomplishment, we often have difficulty letting go of our stuff.”
i used to be a type A personality all the way. i’ve mellowed and lightened up over the years. thank you for this always-important message. it’s definitely the inner stuff – how we feel about ourselves – that’s crucial to well-being.
You, Jul’s, are simply, F-ing, Amazing! You ALWAYS create posts that shift mindsets! That’s what you do and you are a PRO! Your quote, “Fear gets to come along for the ride, safely strapped in a carseat – not in the driver seat.” absolutely rocked my world. Thank you for such incredible insight and inspiration! You ROCK! <3
April, you ROCK! Thanks for being such a fan! Giving insight and inspiration is my focus, so I’m glad I brought you along the way!
Yes! I think this is something that a lot of us pay lip service to, but seldom have the awareness to be able to stop doing it altogether. For me, the accomplishments that matter are whether I’ve achieve some sense of peace and whether I’ve brought peace to those around me (especially my son!)
Thank you so muh for the reminder. <3
Right there with you Sara…if I achieve peace for me, my sons and those around me, I feel I’ve given the world the best of me.
THANK YOU for the reminder Juls – so timely. I’m starting to realise that our Happiness IS indeed so often linked to the root of our sense of self-worth. And when that’s non-existent, we give so much power to some situations or people to make us unhappy. “You are enough exactly as your are. Right here, right now. Your value is that you are.” – Gonna repeat that daily!
You are so welcome Angela! It’s a mantra we all can benefit from. Thanks so much for your comment.
Such an important message Jul’s. I have also been people pleaser, and can resonate with what your saying. I like how you talked about naming your fear. That really is a great way to separate the fear from who you are. Thank you again for your nuggets of wisdom 🙂
So glad what I wrote resonated with you, Reena. Naming my fear really helped me embrace it and mentally separate from myself, so I could feel the fear and do it anyway. Continued success and discoveries on your amazing travels 🙂
Tweeted! Great article. I lean more towards a type B personality, but I can definitely identify with quantifying my self worth based on my accomplishments. Thank you for the much-needed nudge!
My pleasure Megan, and thank you! I’m a Type B as well, secretly I am a Type A wannabe, so I need to remember that my self worth is intrinsic.