What Being a Mother Means to Me
Being a mother is my greatest source of connection.
Being a mother is what keeps me centered, creative and resourceful.
My boys are the bedrock of my soul. Having them, makes me feel I’ve arrived home.
This Mother’s Day, my sons are still away at university. So it’s an odd mother’s day. However, I feel like that age old riddle is answered. “If a tree falls in the forest, and no one is there to hear it, does it still make a sound?”
Yes. It does. And yes, I am forever a mother in this lifetime. Thank you boys. You color my life even when you’re not here with me.
This Mother’s Day soon to come, I pay homage to my boys.
I am enough
Sometimes, I forget that I am enough.
Just by the very fact of being.
Seeing myself through my sons’ eyes makes me reconnect with my inner self…my enoughness.
My sons, Tyryn Whitney and Skylyr Winslow, even add meaning to those days when I feel unlinked, unmoored.
Days when Facebook posts touting perfectly successful lives and photos of luxury can make me want to jump ship. I wrote about those days in my post The Dreaded FU Day.
Being a mother is an endless gift wrapped up in memories that lull the chatter of my mind.
When each of my sons was born, on both those days, I fell instantly in love. For good. You fellow mothers know what I mean. It’s a limitless love.
I hope my sons feel that sacred bond with me still. I hope that instant, limitless love is what Ty and Skye experience when they have children.
This mother’s secrets revealed
I did not homeschool my boys. I never considered it. I already was their teacher of core values and love, so I’d leave maths, science and curriculum to others. My role as their mama was both immensely satisfying and challenging. It was enough.
How funny to find myself now, so many years later, with boy-men having replaced my babies, secretly feeling the urge to blurt out that I want to Home-Life my boys.
Or at the very least, have them take up the Italian way where the boys live at home until they get married…you know, well after age 45. Then after marriage they come to dinner every Sunday.
Lucky Mother’s Love reflected back
Skye is my quiet one. Talking is not his favorite way to communicate. Skye does not know this, but when he calls me to say hello, I feel my heart leap in joy. Just hearing his voice brings that same feeling of instant connection when his newborn eyes first met mine.
Skye’s been the one, when I am struggling with fear, who suddenly appears at my side silently taking my hand. Unspoken hope. Unspoken safety.
Tyryn is wise beyond his years. Calm, confident, easy going. When we brought his shy, introverted younger brother to his dorm room for freshman college year, Ty advised him, “You don’t go looking for friends Skylyr. Let them find you.”
I’m grateful I didn’t go looking for these two souls that are the core of my heart; they found me.
My sons made the best part of me exist, their mama. They will always be my soul’s home.
Ever grateful and blessed,
Mama Jul’s ~ I love you Ty and Skye
Your turn lovely mamas! What does being a mother mean to you? Let me know in the comments, because hearing about you makes this mama thrilled. Happy Mother’s Day!
i was without my two boys this mother’s day as well. i miss them terribly since moving to another country, but i am happy for and proud of the fulfilling lives they are creating for themselves. (and we have been having wonderful conversations via facebook messenger – both talking and texting!)
incidentally, we did homeschool. and it was the best! and now living in italy, i see multi-generational families together all the time. it truly is the way things are done here.
I love that you and your boys are having wonderful conversations on messenger both texting and talking. I love the multi-generational family practices in Italy. I wish that was how it is done here, though I too am very proud of my sons making their lives and giving back to the world.
This was such a beautiful post Juls! Thinking about what motherhood means.. it is so much.. and then some.. I learn something new every day. I think one of the biggest things is the true meaning to love unconditionally. There is more, but I would need more time to articulate it.. and what a blessing for your boys that you did here. They will always cherish those words.
Thank you Pam <3 I so agree---the true meaning of loving unconditionally.
Ahhhh Jul’s. Such a timely and lovely post. My two daughters are grown with families of their own. Even though I’m ecstatic over where life has taken them and absolutely over the moon with my grandbabies, I’ve been yearning for our solo times together. The biggest separation for me wasn’t when they went away to school it came later when I realized that they didn’t necessarily want or need me to be a part of all of their activities. Not out of disrespect, just that their lives had moved on to a place that didn’t always include mom. I had to work through a lot of jealousy and separation anxiety but I think I’ve survived! We still love to be together and I’ve learned I need to move on to the next stage of my life too. Thanks for inspiring me to put this into words!
Thank you so much for sharing the much unspoken “post mothering, mothering phase”. I so appreciate hearing about mothers who are further along on the journey. Yes! Learning (with some growing pains) how to move on to the next stage of my life too.
so beautiful and heartfelt, jul’s. and especially poignant for me right now. i too have two sons who mean the world to me. my older son moved to another state at the beginning of april. and when my husband and i move to italy in september, my younger son will also be staying behind in the united states. saying goodbye to both of them in just 5 months? i’m not entirely certain my momma heart can take it! (and i’m beginning to see the wisdom of the italian way of doing things. who knows? when in rome . . .)
Yes! When in Rome….Momma hearts unite as there is strength in Momma community. Our children are on loan to us; we “know” this. But knowing and experiencing are different worlds! The boys will have to come for long visits in Italy 🙂
What a beautiful way to honor your boys and your motherhood, Jul’s! The love you have for being a mother…THEIR mother, shines through everything you do! Thank you for sharing that sunshine with all of us!
I miss the time when my babies were babies, but I so enjoy the deep connection we are able to foster as they create their adult paths. Thank you for this gift of reflection you gave to all the mom’s fortunate enough to read your posts. Happy Mother’s Day!!
You just made my Mother’s Day…a day early! Thanks Sweets! Happy Mother’s Day to you too, April!
I love this and smiled at the idea of you ‘home’life-ing’ your boys, having them home until 45 🙂
For me, I have the privilege of home lifeing my babies, as they all have tails.
Yes, all my babies have fur, so I’m lucky enough to never have an empty nest, except when that the time comes that their sweet bodies give up (which is always far, far too soon).
Actually, that is the hardest thing with having fur babies. We can grow so close and have such deep unconditional love for them that it’s heartbreaking when they leave. I know from experience and my work in pet loss support that it can hurt like losing a person.
Yet, it’s so much better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all and I wouldn’t change it for anything. Those dear companions bring me such joy, especially now I’m single. I’m never ‘alone’ at home, there’s always a happy face to greet me and a furry friend to cuddle.
Lovely that you have babies with fur and tails! I grew up with pets, and I am sure I will have a pet again in the future. Completely agree that losing a pet is losing a family member and dear friend at once. So glad you have your furry friends to cuddle!
Most times when I hear from my 29 year old daughter, my heart sings too!
A great antidote to depression.
Sometimes I worry I am an over-involved mom, but if my connection with her (again, most times : ) makes me happy (and makes her happy), who cares?!
I too always wanted to be a mom.
And I am grateful to have been blessed “in the family way”, even if her Dad and I divorced, which was rough on her. She is a gift.
On another note: Watch “Call the Midwife” on PBS if you haven’t already.
I completely agree Judy….if it makes you happy and her happy, who cares if others label that being an over involved mom? Our children love us, need us, want us and we love, need and want them. I am ever grateful for the honor of being a mother! Your daughter is so blessed to have you, a warm, caring, involved mom.
On another note: I have watched “Call the Midwife.” One of my favorite BBC shows! I rented the DVD’s from the library so I can indulge my insatiable appetite for being in control of the cliff hanger. I love being able to watch the next episode without waiting for “next week.” Have you seen Foyle’s War? Another great series and free to borrow from the library.