What Happens When You Have An Empty Nest: Decluttering To Happiness
I have just returned from getting my kids off to college.
Without my youngest at home to nurture, I’m sending you a care package in the form of a FREE DOWNLOADABLE – Top 10 Ways to Declutter + Mama Mantras! So keep reading to get yours 🙂
Refocusing In The Empty Nest
It feels strange. Beyond strange really, because part of me thinks I have had 18 years to prepare for this. Plus I already went through this with my eldest child.
And, guess what? I am not prepared.
The house is too quiet and yet it makes strange sounds.
I came home to a tiny mouse that scared the bejesus out of me when I entered the empty nest and flicked on the mudroom light.
My youngest son, Skye, is the pro at catching mice in a clean plastic container so we can drive them 5 miles away to release them in a field of dreams.
I try, and fail, to catch the mouse in the container. Seems he shall be my new roommate.
Feeling Disoriented and A Wee Bit Unmoored
I cry at odd times.
I did try not to cry when I said goodbye to my two precious sons, Tyryn and Skylyr, who are unexpectedly and thankfully at the same University. The boys suffered my emotion, though I did get hugs and even a brief, near airbrush of the lips.
My baby is at University. My wee one.
I’m sure he’s anxious, sharing a room with a stranger and facing new people every moment; a challenge for an extreme introvert and homebody.
Getting Ready For All The Newness
Not to belittle the fears and anxieties Skylyr is surely feeling, but he is ready to leave the nest.
I know because he called me the next morning, less than 24 hours after I left him…..Of His Own Accord.
Major shock! I purposely did not mention communication with me. I thought I’d give him space, and let him come to me.
Meaning I envisioned not hearing from him for weeks, months…all year? Surely eventually he would need something – reassurance (money), and text at the very least?
The phone “conversation” consists of me asking all those mother questions about *how he’s faring with the new roommate? Did he find the dining hall? Did he eat?
Had he walked around the huge campus to map out where his classes would be for when school starts next week? Did he realize that I would send his boots (forgotten at his Papa’s).
*Note: There’s a reason these are not open ended questions…that would be answered with silence.
Skye, answering in that male monosyllabic communication, “No. Yeah. Fine, Ok.”
Was he sure he did not want any care packages from me?
No Care Packages
**But don’t you worry mama—I got you covered with a powerful care package:
Download your own Top 10 Empty Nest Decluttering Tips + Top 10 Mama Mantras
Then the tears in my voice as I tell him I love him, I miss him, call anytime..and he replies, “Can I go now, Mother?”
“Mother.” My new moniker. I was always “Mama” or the very American “Mom” with the drawn out ‘ahh’ sound.
Finding One’s Way: Organizing and Decluttering
We tend to think of decluttering “stuff.” Empty Nesters: declutter one’s mindset first.
Top Ten Empty Nest Decluttering Tips To Organize Your Way To Happiness
- Know that your college-age children know everything. Accept it. (Even though it’s not true).
- Buy Duct Tape. Cut a piece about 3-4 inches long. Tape it over your mouth. (This will serve you very well as you move from Mama to Mama Sort Of Laid Off).
- You brought your children up with your values. Trust those values are in there…somewhere. Hope they practice safe sex. With someone he or she loves and loves him or her. (Or in the case of a very shy child, hope some day he or she experiences the joys of sex. With someone he or she loves and loves him or her).
- Focus on you. Have sex. With someone you love and loves you. (Or at least is kind, caring, a great lover and HOT).
- Let them call or text you most of the time. (Pretend you buy into the random idea that 18 means you’re an adult).
- Glory in the realization you might only do laundry once every two weeks, that your food bill will be significantly less, and when you clean a room, it will stay tidy. (Ignore the fact that if said room does not stay tidy, it may be due to you).
- If you are single, get that profile up on a dating site. (It’s always fun to shock your girlfriends who have been hounding you for two years to do so).
- Remember to eat. (This helps to avoid, around 2PM, your stomach urging you to realize you’re famished, having forgotten to eat as there was no one else to feed).
- Mother yourself. Be kind, caring and patient with yourself. (It’s painful to lose a job you were not ready to give up because you love it so, and it’s your most precious work).
- As you know absolutely zilch, as per your children’s eye rolling, commit to learning new things and attracting happiness. This is your time, so keep taking the next step. And the next step.
Download your own Top 10 Empty Nest Decluttering Tips + Top 10 Mama Mantras to organize your home and mindset to easily manifest your dream life.
Just don’t walk off the ledge.
Not to sound like your mother.
Sorry, old habits die hard…
Other mothers further along on this track tell me the kids circle back. I look forward to that. For now I take it one day at a time reframing this nest as empty of my boys, but still full of love.
It’s not really an empty nest, just an opportunity to reorganize and declutter the nest.
Your turn
Any of my clan of mothers going through the empty nest transition? Even if you are not there yet, I love your support and hearing how I can return the love!
What I do: I help women professionals & entrepreneurs STOP endlessly spinning their wheels stuck in anxiety and overwhelm with the chaos and clutter in their home, and instead START SIMPLIFYING, so everything has a place, they gain FREEDOM, CLARITY and easily manifest their DREAM LIFE. I’m also the author of the book 25 Days of Holiday Organizing!
Ahh, Jul’s, what a gem of a post this is! You had me tearing up and giggling throughout. I can feel your pain which your laid off job analogy spoke perfectly to. I also sense your humor and adventurousness. I’m only one year behind you on this journey, so I will keep this post close…I’m going to need it! I loved your first “tweetable” too! Really great!!
Thank you so very much April! Happy that my humor and adventurous-daring showed through. Bit of a rollercoaster for me. Tears and giggles sound about right…Thanks and would love you to share my tweetable! Next year, when it is your turn, mayhap I will be old hat at this transition and have words of wisdom and some encouragement to make it easier for you.
When our eldest left home I spoke with a friend who is a Parenting Coach to help me through it.
She explained to me the ‘Circle of Security’- It’s basically a circle with you at the base.
When the kids are smaller, they wander off to explore their world then come back to recharge from you (creating little circles that begin & end with you). As they get older, their circle gets bigger and bigger and they eventually find others to recharge from but always come back for Mama’s charge 🙂
It helped me so much by just understanding this theory and trusting that their departure would never be permanent.
It’s also helping me to prepare for my remaining chicklits eventual departure (although I still have many years for a complete empty nest).
BTW…I totally laughed out loud at this // Pretend you buy into the random idea that 18 means you’re an adult.
I hope you’re enjoying having more time for yourself x
Oh thanks so much Theresa! I really appreciate your sharing the ‘Circle of Security’. What a beautiful way to look at this phase of mamahood. I am enjoying more time to myself, though I miss my ‘boys’ so much. Boy-Men. So glad I gave you and LOL moment with my “Pretend you buy into the random idea that 18 means you’re an adult. Laughter really helps us through the vicissitudes of life 🙂 More will be revealed.
my older son (22yo) began the circling back process about a year ago. my younger son (17yo) has just begun the eye-rolling routine (but he does it in a fun-loving way!). raising kids is the most difficult, the craziest, the most fun, the most exasperating, and the VERY BEST THING i’ve ever done all rolled up in one!
I so agree April and love how you put it! THE MOST BESTEST THING EVER raising my sons! Love them forever and beyond. Tomorrow is Skye’s birthday….wonder how long it will take him to pick up his care package at the student mail center. I did not send food. I learned my lesson with my older son. I sent him a care package, and by the time he sauntered over to pick it up…the food was spoiled.
Awe, it’s so had to watch our children grow up. I have at 17 years to go before I face an empty nest, but your tips will be useful when I do. I love your positivity, less laundry, cheaper groceries, that’s the spirit 🙂 Enjoy your newfound freedom.
Hey Krystal, thanks for your supportive comments. I am focusing on the positives to keep myself from driving 4 hours and showing up at the dorm of my youngest, stopping by his older brother’s flat to say, “Hi!” I remember as if it was yesterday, my boys being the age of your child now. Enjoy it as much as you can! Being a mother, no matter what phase is glorious, horrible, worth it and humbling. Mostly it is an honor and blessing 🙂